In a quandary

Quandary is not a word that I use very much... I suppose I'm lucky that I don't feel this way often. However, for our current situation, this is absolutely the appropriate word to describe how I'm feeling. So many thoughts in my head and I don't know how to make sense of them.

Earlier this summer we made the very difficult decision to move the girls to schools closer to home. We loved the school, but after I started my new job, I was having a hard time getting to the school before it closed. Back here I shared our upcoming transition for the girls to new schools and as it approached I was excited and nervous, about the change. Now, we're about 1.5 weeks into our new routine. It's got me questioning my mom instincts and second guessing the importance of convenience. 

You know that saying - if it's not broke, don't fix it? Plain and simple, that is what happened here. I fixed something that wasn't actually broken.  The mom guilt I'm feeling is beyond words, because convenience (mostly for me) was the catalyst for the change. I like being a working mom, but without a good balance, I find it to be less fulfilling and a stressful challenge. So, I took it upon myself to research new schools, do all the paperwork and get the girls set up in new schools for this year. All to save us some time commuting and get us home around 5:15pm, instead of 6:15pm. Need I state how crazy our evenings are when we try to squeeze dinner, play and baths before we wind down for bed at 7pm? Sometimes, Daddy is even home yet to help/play/visit/eat with the girls before its time for bed.

For one of the girls, the transition has been so smooth and easy, and for the other its been heart wrenching. I think both schools are wonderful and I don't have anything bad to say about either, but it's becoming clear that this change might not have been the right decision. Granted, it hasn't been long, but there are some significant differences in curriculum and structure, that I'm concerned could really make a lasting impact on our little one. Granted our girls are young, but I don't doubt that they are young enough to develop behaviors and/or be impacted by life situations now. Just the other day, my brother was sharing a story of how he found out our first cat died, what he did afterwards and how sad he was. He was not even 3 years old.
 
There is a possibility we could switch back, and I would have to figure out how to deal. Obviously, it's not me I'm worried about. However, if we could back into our old school - am I coddling a little and just appeasing? If we stay where we are, is it too early to try and teach our kids resiliency and encourage independence? For a child that is very smart, perceptive, sweet and shy, is it OK to shelter them and protect them while we can? Or, are there benefits to pushing them towards new things, new environments and different experiences. I mean, it's just a year... It's now or never though, so I'm trying not to dwell on it but its consuming my every thought. A worrier by nature, this is only the beginning! God help me as the girls get older, and actually God help them too because I'm guaranteed to drive them crazy ;)

Happy Hump Day!

XO