Next week, Anna will be 4 months old. Since her birth, I have had two surgical procedures at the hospital, 3 visits to my GP, 2 visits to my OBGYN (and a 3rd next week), a visit to the eye doctor, neurologist, gastroenterologist, dentist, oral surgeon, and last Friday I spent the night in the ER. In general, I am totally fine... I must admit, I am very lucky to have had two great pregnancies, 2 relatively smooth labor and deliveries, but my body just doesn't seem to bounce back that well after childbirth. Similarly, after Madelyn was born, I had 3 sinus infections on my maternity leave, had my initial visits with the neurologist, follow up Celiac Disease testing with my gastroenterologist, and issues with my vision.
I remember my GP explaining that it is not uncommon to have health issues after the birth of a baby, and "trauma" of delivery. I mean, I'm aware of post-pardum depression, but I feel like you don't ever hear about this kind of thing when you are planning to get pregnant, or pregnant. It's easy to be distracted by the emotions and excitement of bringing home a baby, but it is so important to pay attention to your own body and help it heal properly too. In two particular instances this time around, I listened to my body and the symptoms I was having, and I was right - things weren't right.
I certainly didn't expect to have issues after Anna was born, but interestingly enough, I've had my share of issues since. For the better part of the last 2 1/2 months, I have been uncomfortable or in pain. As it turns out, my stomach is really swollen and I have heartburn (very common after childbirth - who knew?!) and a ruptured cyst - which is causing all the cramps and discomfort. So, I'm fine and starting to feel better on medication. Mostly, I was relieved to know that the things I was feeling weren't normal, and were being caused by something. Because, quite honestly, the only doctor I haven't seen is a shrink, and I was beginning to feel like that was next ;)
The other issue we're working through, is Madelyn's adjusting to all the changes. She was an easy baby, good sleeper, and she is a very cautious and somewhat timid toddler. She has always been a creature of habit, but luckily, many of the big changes she's endured in her 2 1/2 years, she's handled well. From moving, to changing classrooms at school, switching to her big girl bed, potty training, and even welcoming Anna, she's adjusted with few hiccups. She's had her moments, like every toddler where she pushes buttons, exerts independence and plays games, so these things aren't new. However, what has happened over the last few weeks since I've returned back to work, has been dramatic.
Madelyn loves sleep, always has. Since she started in her new classroom last September she started to resist and eventually stop napping there. She would still nap at my mom's on M/W/F, making up for the T/Th that she didn't nap. While I was on leave, she napped every single day, sometimes 3 - 4 hours. So she's definitely not ready to give up her naps. I was worried what would happen when she started going to school full time, but I sort of thought, she'd either be so tired that she would nap, or she'd just fall asleep easily at night, maybe a little earlier. Nope, and nope. With the exception of the two weekend days, she hasn't napped. Holy God, she is so sleep deprived, that each day she seems to be crankier and crankier than the last. The spunky, charismatic, energetic little girl is so, so, tired, she just walks around like a zombie.
All of the hours that she's behind on sleep have compounded, and the last few days have been BRUTAL! It started on Monday. Her tummy was upset, and so she was all worked up over having an upset tummy. Then, she clung to me for dear life when I dropped her off at school, and was crying when I left. She refused to nap, and fell asleep in the car on the ride home. She had a good dinner and bath and was ready and asking for bed at 6:45pm. The normal routine is quick cuddles, book, goodnight kisses and I tuck her in. So simple. When I went to leave her room, she FLIPPED. Like, flipped out! She shot up out bed and proceeded to cry, and then scream, bloody murder, finally stopping when she passed out at 9:05pm. I couldn't leave the room, I could barely leave her side. She was clinging to me, pulling my clothes off, and not letting me out of her sight. It was so out of character, I literally had no idea what to do. I left her in there screaming, Brian tried to calm her, we tried another book, more cuddles, and at one point, some yelling from me. Ultimately, she fell asleep when I got in bed with her. Oh crap.
More of the same on Tuesday night. Sara happened to be here, saying goodbye before her huge trip to Africa, and she tried to assist. At least that night she was asleep by 8:30pm... a little progress. I refuse to get in bed with her again, because I just don't want that to start. In the moments that she's not crying, she's smirking and smiling at me, so I know she's fine and I know I have to fight through this because I can't let her win. How to do that, I don't have the slightest idea. Tonight, she was passed out by 8pm, as long as I stood in her room. I guess standing in there, is better than sleeping with her, right? Oy vey. I stood in there for about 10 minutes before I could tell she was asleep, and there were minutes that I don't think I took a breath, I was so afraid to wake her! All she needs is her sleep, lots of catch-up sleep, and time I guess, because this too, shall pass :)
It's crazy how being sick, being short on sleep, or stress can just totally jumble up your days. I feel like I've been so distracted recently. I mean, the days since going back to work have been crazy anyway, and now any free time in the day, I just feel distracted. Distracted with how I'm feeling, and how Madelyn is feeling, overwhelmed with the tantrums, and then stressed with how Madelyn is doing, and remembering doctor's appointments, etc. Brian and Anna are holding down the fort :) Hopefully, our next few weeks will be a little calmer than the last!
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