You can't have it all

This week I've been very emotional and in a reflective mood. I've been feeling guilty about not being able to spend more time with Madelyn. If only I could just snap my fingers, win the lottery or I had a bottle I could rub and a genie would grant me 3 wishes :) I really can't complain because I'm very blessed, and I know that. I'm just being real and sharing what's tugging at my heart right now.

Almost a year and a half ago, I was approached about a new job opportunity. The job would give me a consistent work schedule and a shorter commute = more time with my family. So, to say I barely gave it much thought, wouldn't be all that far from the truth. That's all I ever want - more time with my family. I took the job. I work 40 hours a week, not 10 minutes more and my commute was cut down by at least 50%. I got just what I wanted.... right? ;)

Shortly thereafter, we decided to put our house in Fairfield on the market. We were lucky enough to sell our house very quickly, and buy a great new house in New Canaan. The move was definitely more my idea than Brian's. I knew that living closer to family and friends would be awesome, but living closer to work has been the biggest life changer EVER! Really, we have some wonderful QT together as a family now that we just have more time at home, and that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. So again, I got what I wanted and I should be happy... (don't get me wrong, I am happy... trust me :)

As Madelyn has quickly grown up in the last 6 - 8 months, I find myself so emotional about each and every milestone and little development (maybe its the pregnancy?) I am obsessed with all of her talking, her manorisms, her personality, heck, even the tantrums - really, I just love her so much. Lately, I've been feeling guilty.  There are so many special and neat moments with her everyday, I don't want to miss a thing. I wish I had more time with her each day to just swallow up all of her cuteness.  The irony of all of the changes we've experienced, is that if we had stayed in Fairfield, I might not have had to work, or at least as much. Which would have meant lots more time with my kids. Granted, I'm not really sure the whole SAHM thing is for me (or I just tell myself that to cope with the challenges of being a working mom) but I can't stop thinking about it.

My motivation to tough it out through this little hurdle is knowing that when baby #2 arrives, I will have 3 months of time off with my babies! Unfortunately for Madelyn, she'll be sharing her mommy then, but its more time with me than she's used to, so it's all good. I'm so afraid that as my kids grow up, or lets say 10 years from now I'll regret being a working mom and not spending more time with them during this precious stage. I suppose, that totally might happen... all I can do is be proud  of the decisions we've made and the life we've created for our family. I just need to remind myself, you can't have it all.

On that note, I am very, very happy it's Friday :) Lots of QT lined up with my lovies this weekend. Hope you enjoy your weekend too!

XO