Owned

The current status of our sleep situation is, owned. We are completely being owned and I'm not doing a thing about it. As I was rocking Anna at 1am, then awoken by Madelyn at 3:45am, and Anna again at 4:45am on Sunday morning, it sort of hit me, I'm completely helpless. I've joked from time to time about certain situations, or fleeting tantrums, etc that they were owning us, but doesn't hold a candle to what we have going on now, ha! What started in September/October with Madelyn quickly spiraled and a 'goodnight's sleep' seems a thing of the past.

I am giving ugly-eyes to the old me, who had two babies that slept through the night at 10 weeks. I try to be judgement-free but I did often say to myself that I wouldn't be the parent who let my kids in my bed. It's important for everyone to sleep well, and in their own bed, end of story. I'd figure out a way to stop it before it became a behavior. But the fact of the matter - it's just not that easy. We were so lucky, and now we're getting dose of the real stuff. In a way, I feel like we're paying our dues and earning a badge of parenthood that we hadn't previously. So, the triple bags under-eye that have developed and I just can't seem to conceal, I pray (daily!) are just temporary.

At the same time, I am amazed how the girl who has always loved her sleep, is getting by on so little. My mom recently heard that most parents get an average of 5 hours of sleep... sounds about right in our house! About a month ago, we seemed to finally turn a corner, and Madelyn started to sleep through the night again, for 8 nights in a row. I mean, H - U - G - E! We were all waking in the morning - smiling, happy and ready for the day. It was absolutely glorious! Wouldn't you know, that at the exact same time of this lovely pattern, Anna started one of her own. All this time that Madelyn has been having disrupted nights, Anna would sleep through. Only really waking at night if she was sick. So, sure enough, Anna has started her own little pattern, maybe she was jealous... and most nights now Anna wakes, and in turn wakes the whole house.

Madelyn is sort of a sleep walker, she doesn't wake crying or talking, just needs a hug and put back in bed. Often times lately though I don't really wake, and she climbs in bed next to me! So, there you go. However, Anna wakes SCREAMING - "Mommmmmmmy, I neeeed you!" I mean, how can I not run. She is wide awake, pleading with me to hold her, rock her, etc. In the beginning I thought maybe she was sick (but the Dr said she's perfect) or maybe she had a bad dream... but lately, I really think its her own little game for more attention. So, rather than be stern like would be the best parenting move, I swoop her up out of bed, and cuddle and rock her for as long as I feel like it. Sometimes she falls asleep on me, sometimes she doesn't. But we just sit and cuddle in the dark, and I'm not going to lie, I don't mind it.

My mom has said on more than one occasion - 'you have got to get the sleep in your house under control' and in the beginning, I agreed. But, I am too tired to fight it and I feel like we're too far gone, plus I to be honest, I don't mind being needed. So, who knows what is going on and chances are at 3am, there will be lights on in our house... but for right now, this is our new norm and just like everything, I figure, it'll work itself out eventually! It just so happens Brian is away until Sunday... so wish me luck!

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Happy Monday!
XO